1950s e-mail

1950s version of an E-Mail     Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, Before the days of Dylan , or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,    For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.    We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.    We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.    Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.    And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.    We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, And when they made a movie, they never made it twice..    We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.    Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.    We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.    For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, And Elvis  ;was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.    We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led.    And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me.    We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.    And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free, And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.    We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.    And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.    Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.    And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.    We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues, We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea   Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me.    There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill    And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.    But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say, And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. They send us invitations to join AARP, We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.    So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines. And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be, Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.    If you didn't grow up in the fiftys, you missed the greatest time in history,  Hope you enjoyed this read as much as I did.

Are you older than Dirt?

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...

I never had a telephone in my room.The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing..
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Headlight dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about
Ratings at the bottom.

1.Candy cigarettes
2.Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3.Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5.Newsreels before the movie
6..TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
7.Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10.Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13.Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 =You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....